Lessons Learned from Failed Dates

Chances are you've had a bad date once or twice in your lifetime. Some of us even go through a series of bad dates before finding that special someone. Yet, bad dates can be a great teaching tool which, in turn, will strengthen the odds for better dating experiences down the road.

Perhaps my poor dating experiences can benefit you. Here--in no particular order--are five things I learned when single:

1. Never Give Anyone Your Address—Even if You're A Guy! Over coffee on a first date, a slightly unhinged woman threatened to kill herself if I ever left her. I quickly ended the date, fearing for my life and hers. That was the wise, self-preserving thing to do. However, I forgot that I had given her my address. The next day, she angrily appears on my doorstep, calls me everything but a Child of God, and then proceeds to call everyone by my last name in the phone book—telling them what a lowlife, two-timing loser I was to her! Thank God she didn't carry a weapon!
2. I Talk Too Much! I discovered this when I had a first date with a pretty blonde who spoke incessantly—even while chewing her food. Perhaps she was nervous, but I couldn't get a word in edge-wise. I learned so much about her—and, surprisingly, about myself: I do talk too much! I was a male version of this lady—too talkative and me-oriented. From hereon out, I vowed to listen more and talk less.
3. Never Use A Date's Computer—Until You Really Know That Person! One night, my phone rang while I was in a popular fast-food restaurant. My then-girlfriend wanted to know who so-and-so was and why did she send a “hugz” my way. I quickly learned she had checked her computer's history. While my 'hugz” came from a platonic female friend, her assumptions hurt our relationship and broke my heart.
4. Bringing Children on a First Date is A Major Mistake! I am an older parent of two adopted children who met another older parent. We clicked so well on the phone, but had our children for the weekend. Mister Wizard (me) to the rescue: Why don't we meet at a popular indoor arcade for kids? We did, and it was a complete disaster. Not only do you fail to share quality time together, the children interrupt you every minute or so—because they are children. It isn't their fault; it's ours! Especially mine.
5. Even If You Click, You Can't Hurry Love! More than a few times in my life, I've rushed into a relationship—only to frighten the object of my affection away. Some I fondly recall with slightly cute nicknames, like Golfing Woman or Coffee Lady. I discovered I was moving too fast. It was like the Tortoise and the Hare: Slow and Steady wins the race.

Though none of these dates turned into a lifetime romance, I've learned from each and every date. Perhaps, by reading this, you'll avoid some of the dating mistakes I did.

How to Start Finding Love to Last A Lifetime

I haven't always been lucky at love. With three divorces, you could even say I'm a miserable failure. That's okay; fire away! Sadly, however, these failures created broken hearts, lives, and families. Nothing is worse than looking into the tearful eyes of a child and realizing you've destroyed their world.

That's why I'm so determined to help others, even strangers, prevent romantic breakups in their lives. By learning from my failures, perhaps you can have the healthy, loving relationship you deserve for the rest of your life.

Before finding Mister or Miss Perfect, do yourself a favor:

Take Your Time. For some reason—perhaps because most women ignored me prior to college, I felt compelled to rush into relationships without a second of thought. I felt I needed to make up for lost time by dating every woman who paid even the least bit of attention to me.

Such stupidity resulted in three failed marriages and a heaping helping of miserable dating experiences with women I had no business dating: a stalker, a computer hacker, and an odoriferous creature who believed bathing without soap made her clean.

Shop Around. One size does not fit all. Find a mate with whom you share the most in common. Though all good women, my exes and I were not well matched—at all. One abstained from social drinking, something I enjoyed on occasion. Another felt she was too educated to share in household duties. Yet another enjoyed a little harmless flirting.

It's my fault I married these women. For some reason, I believed I could mold these women into my heart's desire. All three of these ladies should have married someone else, yet I was too selfish—and lonely—to admit this. Believe me: Life is too short to do this even one time. But doing this three times?

Make Time to Talk. Learn about your date by or before your second date—before you begin to get serious. Politics? Religion? Drinking? Drugs? Marriage? Children? Education? Interests? Sex? No question should be off-topic between two reasonable, level-headed adults. Besides, if they aren't reasonable or level-headed, why are you going out with them?

Get everything out in the open before making the commitment to pursue this relationship further. Sure, saying goodbye to a potential date may sting temporarily. But this is nothing compared to a breakup or divorce later down the road!

Introduce Your Date to Family and Friends. This is one of the best ways to discover if your date fits into your family dynamics—and vice versa—considering your family is reasonably normal. How does your date relate to your family? Do they feel intimidated, uncomfortable, or relaxed? Do they want to retreat to the car immediately upon introductions?

Most family and friends will offer honest feedback about your date. They have your best interests in mind. Listen without interruption. Had I listened to my father, I wouldn't have married one of the women I dated.

Observe His or Her Family and Friends in Action. Away from you, your date will spend most of his or her time with loved ones. Observe how they communicate with you and each other. If they still treat you like a burden, a second-class citizen, or a contagious disease after an hour or so, make plans to bail out of this relationship before it gets serious.

My second set of in-laws didn't like me from the start, believing I was less educated than they due to my lowly bachelor's degree. Such dislike spilled over into my marriage, with my ex believing she was too educated to do any chores around the home. While I (the wimp) busily cooked, cleaned, and did yard work, she sat inside the house consuming tubs of ice cream.


Think. Don't jump into a relationship with both barrels blazing, assuming your relationship is perfect in every way. You're only fooling yourself.

Instead, spend some quiet alone time and reflect on your relationship. In a notebook, honestly write down both the pluses and minuses. Include his or her family in the equation. Don't over-analyze the relationship; but don't ignore the important things, either.

Remember: Life is too short for bad relationships. Make the most of life and love every day so you don't make the same mistakes I did!

Here's to your success!--Brian