The Best Way to Heal from A Breakup

Yeah, yeah, we've all heard it before: Into each life a little rain must fall. This is especially true when it comes to break ups. We simply want to bury our heads under the pillows and cry ourselves to sleep. We want to gorge ourselves with Ben & Jerry's while playing the saddest You-broke-my-heart-you worthless-piece-of-crap-please-take-me-back songs in the universe. (Okay, maybe that's just me.)

In short, we want to dwell on the current, painful situation—refusing to believe there are better days ahead. There ARE better days, if we simply believe.

After a break-up, some people resort to stalking their prey—er, ex—in hopes they'll wake up and realize they are the only person on the planet for them. Most often, this ends up very badly—with law enforcement becoming involved.

At the end of a relationship, others will verbally beat themselves up—blaming themselves for the entire break-up. If only I was prettier, better looking, more intelligent, richer, drove a better car, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...Stop with the blame game! It takes two to break up, right?

Others who have their hearts broken will continuously call their ex, tearfully begging or angrily demanding them (depending on their personality) to come back. Let's face it: Forcing someone to love you is not healthy. Besides, it rarely works! And, if you keep up with the harassment, you could end up in court—or worse.

Still others will withdraw from society if a breakup happens. Often, they become numb inside. Nothing—work, food, friends, etc.--interests them. The world keeps on turning for everyone else, but not for them.

Believe me, I do feel your pain. I've been there before—several times—and it hurts like hell. But if I could offer one piece of advice to you, it would be...

Learn from your mistakes! Don't wallow in self-pity! Don't stalk them! Don't beg for another chance! Don't call them right away! Don't be their buddy or pal too soon! Don't sleep with them. And, for goodness sake, don't jump into the next relationship immediately.

You need this time to reflect--not dwell—on why this relationship failed:

Are their personality differences—i.e. Introvert versus extrovert, talkative versus non-talkative, dominant versus passive, sports junkie versus culture lover, etc.?

Did you have too much or too little time together?

Was one of you more of a giver while the other more of a taker?

Were you on opposite ends of the political, religious, and social spectrum?

There are so many reasons your relationship failed. Carefully analyze the issues. Don't just blame him or her for all the problems. Take notes. Think and reflect.

Taking time to learn from your mistakes helps you to avoid these problems in a future relationship. But, please...Walk, don't run to the next relationship after you've given yourself the time to heal. That way, you're more likely to have a much more satisfying relationship.

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