Middle age is a great time to find someone special. For most of us, our children have left home and we have plenty of time on our hands. Too much time, in fact. The silent echo of a quiet home is almost unbearable. We're too young for the rocking chair! We refuse to sit idly by on the sidelines and accept a simple life of frozen dinners, crosswords, and The Wheel! We're healthy, vibrant human beings craving human contact—wherever he or she may be!
Find someone special through online dating!
Unless you've lived in a shotgun shack miles away from civilization, you know the dating scene has changed since our 20s. Instead of cruising bars or being set up by well-meaning, yet clueless friends, you're only feet away from finding friendship, dates, or (maybe) romance:
- Online dating is safer than traditional dating. You have the opportunity to learn a little about the person prior to your first face-to-face meeting. Online technology even allows you to search the person's name in a database of convicted felons, deviants, or dregs of society!
- Online dating is more cost-effective than traditional dating. Save on gas! Let your fingers do the the walking with an online search for Mister or Miss Right!
- Online dating gives you more control! No more strange people hitting on you! No more drunken flirts spilling drinks in your lap! At the touch of a button, you can decide who you do and don't want to meet!
- Online dating offers a wider selection of people from a greater variety of backgrounds than anywhere else! Seeking marriage? Find it online! Seeking a casual relationship? Find it online!Seeking a baby boomer? Of course, you can find that, too! From the spiritual to the flirty, from the affluent to the international, you can find that special someone online!
Met someone online? Talk with them by phone first!
Once you meet a potential match online, it's tempting to invite them out for a cup of coffee or drink so you can get to know them better! Resist that temptation! Talk with them on the phone first!
- For safety's sake, get to know them better! Honestly, how much do you know about this person from a couple of online texts or chats? They could be a hoarder, stalker, or serial killer, for all you know!
- Listen carefully to their voice for signals, clues, even inflections. A voice often indicates personality, intelligence, and character traits. Whining or slow talking voices turn me off. How about you?
- Carry on a relaxed conversation with your potential match. Listen closely to them for hidden signals. Are your interests, beliefs, and desires on the same page? Are they trying to hide something? Are their answers too brief—mostly Yes or No answers? Do they sound dull, lifeless, or boring? Are they putting you to sleep? Do they speak secretively or softly because their spouse or significant other is in the other room? Warning: 35% of daters—online or off—are married!
If it's A Go...Schedule to meet face-to-face!
You've decided the person is not a serial killer, freak, or married person (unless you want a no strings relationship). Now's the time to meet each other! Do yourself a favor...
- If meeting is a mutual go, schedule to meet them in the next few days! You want to see if this potential match has potential, right? Don't prolong the meeting for a week or so! Be like Nike: Just do it!
- Schedule to meet your potential date in a well-lit location. Never—ever--meet at their home or in a dark, secluded place. Think safety—even if you are a guy or believe you can handle yourself in any situation.
- Meet at a well-lit coffee house or fast food place for polite conversation. Perhaps that sounds cheap, but there is little sense in going overboard if your date fizzles or there's no connection. Besides, remember: This is a meeting, not a date.
Keep the meeting brief—about an hour!
Some of us are talkative, myself included. But try—I emphasize try—to keep the meeting to an hour. This shows respect for the person you met. During your initial meeting:
- Make sure the person looks like their online dating profile photo. I know that sounds crazy, but I once met a woman who looked nothing like her profile photo—taken ten years earlier! One of my female friends once met a guy who used Richard Dreyfuss's photo to attract women. Funny thing was: The guy looked nothing like Dreyfuss, and was actually ten years younger than the acclaimed actor!
- Listen more; talk less. You learn so much more about the other person when you speak less. Also, it doesn't hurt if you actually show interest in what your potential match is talking about. If that is impossible, I would suggest politely exiting from the meeting altogether. You're wasting everyone's time if you don't.
- Look for non-verbal clues—such as body language, eye contact, or even sense of smell. Does he or she seem sincerely interested in you? Is this mutual? Is he or she able to look you straight in the eyes, and vice versa? Does he or she smell like they just escaped from a pig farm?
- Find common ground—if you can—for a second date. Other than physical attraction, it is so important to discover some similar interests, beliefs, ideas, and backgrounds with your potential match. Sure, you can have differences, but too many could spell out a total dating disaster. For example, I am an extroverted, fairly talkative guy who enjoys the outdoors and indoors equally. I would not be a good match for a shy wallflower who disliked the outdoors. Yet, good news! There is someone online for everyone!
If you succeed...Ask for a real date.
There is no better than the present to set a date to have a real date—as long as you both believe the chemistry was right. I once clicked with a woman and the feelings were mutual. Yet, I waited a few days to call her back, and she had other plans—with someone else. If the feelings are mutual, don't hesitate—ask him or her out!
If at first you don't succeed...
If you failed to connect during your first meeting, don't give up! But it is rarely wise to ask for another meeting. Odds are you'll unlikely click! Yet, if you don't connect, remember this:
- You didn't fail! Even if the planets were perfectly aligned, some people would never click. There are a wide-variety of reasons—from looks to personality, from interests to beliefs. Don't dwell on this! Move on! Believe me...unless you are an asexual hermit, there is somebody out there for everyone. (Besides, if you were an asexual hermit, odds are you would not be reading this article! Am I right?)
- Each meeting is a learning experience. You discover the type of person you wish to meet—not to mention some to avoid like the plague.
- Each meeting brings you closer to that special someone. You know what I'm talking about: That one, unique individual you can't stop thinking about. That rare somebody who makes you smile, laugh, and enjoy life a little more than anyone else. He or she may even make your toes curl!
- Never give up on finding that special someone with whom to share life! Online dating offers someone for everybody—including us baby boomers. If I can do it, so can you!
May you be richly blessed by finding that special someone online!
Here's to your success!--Brian
Here's to your success!--Brian
