How to Start Finding Love to Last A Lifetime

I haven't always been lucky at love. With three divorces, you could even say I'm a miserable failure. That's okay; fire away! Sadly, however, these failures created broken hearts, lives, and families. Nothing is worse than looking into the tearful eyes of a child and realizing you've destroyed their world.

That's why I'm so determined to help others, even strangers, prevent romantic breakups in their lives. By learning from my failures, perhaps you can have the healthy, loving relationship you deserve for the rest of your life.

Before finding Mister or Miss Perfect, do yourself a favor:

Take Your Time. For some reason—perhaps because most women ignored me prior to college, I felt compelled to rush into relationships without a second of thought. I felt I needed to make up for lost time by dating every woman who paid even the least bit of attention to me.

Such stupidity resulted in three failed marriages and a heaping helping of miserable dating experiences with women I had no business dating: a stalker, a computer hacker, and an odoriferous creature who believed bathing without soap made her clean.

Shop Around. One size does not fit all. Find a mate with whom you share the most in common. Though all good women, my exes and I were not well matched—at all. One abstained from social drinking, something I enjoyed on occasion. Another felt she was too educated to share in household duties. Yet another enjoyed a little harmless flirting.

It's my fault I married these women. For some reason, I believed I could mold these women into my heart's desire. All three of these ladies should have married someone else, yet I was too selfish—and lonely—to admit this. Believe me: Life is too short to do this even one time. But doing this three times?

Make Time to Talk. Learn about your date by or before your second date—before you begin to get serious. Politics? Religion? Drinking? Drugs? Marriage? Children? Education? Interests? Sex? No question should be off-topic between two reasonable, level-headed adults. Besides, if they aren't reasonable or level-headed, why are you going out with them?

Get everything out in the open before making the commitment to pursue this relationship further. Sure, saying goodbye to a potential date may sting temporarily. But this is nothing compared to a breakup or divorce later down the road!

Introduce Your Date to Family and Friends. This is one of the best ways to discover if your date fits into your family dynamics—and vice versa—considering your family is reasonably normal. How does your date relate to your family? Do they feel intimidated, uncomfortable, or relaxed? Do they want to retreat to the car immediately upon introductions?

Most family and friends will offer honest feedback about your date. They have your best interests in mind. Listen without interruption. Had I listened to my father, I wouldn't have married one of the women I dated.

Observe His or Her Family and Friends in Action. Away from you, your date will spend most of his or her time with loved ones. Observe how they communicate with you and each other. If they still treat you like a burden, a second-class citizen, or a contagious disease after an hour or so, make plans to bail out of this relationship before it gets serious.

My second set of in-laws didn't like me from the start, believing I was less educated than they due to my lowly bachelor's degree. Such dislike spilled over into my marriage, with my ex believing she was too educated to do any chores around the home. While I (the wimp) busily cooked, cleaned, and did yard work, she sat inside the house consuming tubs of ice cream.


Think. Don't jump into a relationship with both barrels blazing, assuming your relationship is perfect in every way. You're only fooling yourself.

Instead, spend some quiet alone time and reflect on your relationship. In a notebook, honestly write down both the pluses and minuses. Include his or her family in the equation. Don't over-analyze the relationship; but don't ignore the important things, either.

Remember: Life is too short for bad relationships. Make the most of life and love every day so you don't make the same mistakes I did!

Here's to your success!--Brian

7 Places to Find Great Dates

Though I’m not as old as Methuselah, I’ve met my fair share of dates: the good, the bad, and the downright ugly (and I’m not talking about looks, either). I’ve had my Hallmark moments—memorable dates which will happily remain forever in the cobwebbed corner of my mind. Sadly, I’ve had too many “what the heck was that?” disasters—nightmares from a B-grade horror film that seemed based on a Dean Koontz novel.

Such dating disasters, I believe, could have been avoided had I (A.) used my brain and (B) found someone at a more inviting place of interest instead of a redneck bar, Laundromat, or strip club. Below, I’ve included some places which I believe present a better quality of people than those previously mentioned sites.

· Book Stores. Go for the coffee; stay for the conversation. Bookstores are not just for overly intellectual, professorial types anymore. Women and men alike want someone they can effectively communicate with—not just Neanderthal grunts. Also, a well lit bookstore offers safety in numbers. Besides, if you get bored, you can enjoy your latte with a book or magazine that catches your interest.

· Networking. I am not talking about Facebook or Twitter, which are excellent online sites, but networking in the real world. More than likely, your town offers networking opportunities galore—in business (such as marketing or management), hobbies (such as pets or public speaking), or special interests (such as ethnic groups or politics). Strike up a conversation and see where it leads. For more information on local networking events, search the internet or browse your local newspaper.

· Special Events. Find someone special who shares your passion for music, running, the arts, wine tasting, finance, or other interests at local events. Like networking, the internet and newspapers (even radio and bulletin boards) are chock-full of such events. Participate and you never know what may happen.

· Speed Dating. Started by a rabbi to help Jewish singles meet, “Sex and The City” helped make this formalized matchmaking process a huge success with folks from all backgrounds. Though there is minimal cost to participate, the rewards far outweigh the price. After all, the willing participants are seeking the same thing you are—a positive relationship.

· Volunteer Work. Meet like-minded people in volunteer activities such as literacy, campaign, or charity work. Working together and making a difference often builds an awareness of others, as well. Seek out bulletin boards, the internet, and area news for more information.

· Places of Worship. Attending faith-based activities not only offers time to meditate, pray, and reflect—which are known to relieve stress, but may offer another benefit: meeting someone special. Realizing the need for singles to feel comfortable inside it’s doors, many in the faith-based community offer activities for this often ignored population. This is a nice, primarily safe place to meet someone sharing similar interests. Again, find out more about this growing trend in newspapers, bulletin boards, and online.

*  Online Dating Sites.  Today's lifestyles are extremely hectic.  Thanks to the internet, you can learn about a potential date before meeting him or her.  How?  Through online dating sites.  While not everyone online is honest, online dating sites take some of the guess work out your relationship search.  Many people I know try online dating.   How about you?

All the best in your journey of finding someone special with whom to share memories. I wish you all the luck in the world.