That's why I'm so determined to help others, even strangers, prevent romantic breakups in their lives. By learning from my failures, perhaps you can have the healthy, loving relationship you deserve for the rest of your life.
Before finding Mister or Miss Perfect, do yourself a favor:
Take Your Time. For some reason—perhaps because most women ignored me prior to college, I felt compelled to rush into relationships without a second of thought. I felt I needed to make up for lost time by dating every woman who paid even the least bit of attention to me.
Such stupidity resulted in three failed marriages and a heaping helping of miserable dating experiences with women I had no business dating: a stalker, a computer hacker, and an odoriferous creature who believed bathing without soap made her clean.
Shop Around. One size does not fit all. Find a mate with whom you share the most in common. Though all good women, my exes and I were not well matched—at all. One abstained from social drinking, something I enjoyed on occasion. Another felt she was too educated to share in household duties. Yet another enjoyed a little harmless flirting.
It's my fault I married these women. For some reason, I believed I could mold these women into my heart's desire. All three of these ladies should have married someone else, yet I was too selfish—and lonely—to admit this. Believe me: Life is too short to do this even one time. But doing this three times?
Make Time to Talk. Learn about your date by or before your second date—before you begin to get serious. Politics? Religion? Drinking? Drugs? Marriage? Children? Education? Interests? Sex? No question should be off-topic between two reasonable, level-headed adults. Besides, if they aren't reasonable or level-headed, why are you going out with them?
Get everything out in the open before making the commitment to pursue this relationship further. Sure, saying goodbye to a potential date may sting temporarily. But this is nothing compared to a breakup or divorce later down the road!
Introduce Your Date to Family and Friends. This is one of the best ways to discover if your date fits into your family dynamics—and vice versa—considering your family is reasonably normal. How does your date relate to your family? Do they feel intimidated, uncomfortable, or relaxed? Do they want to retreat to the car immediately upon introductions?
Most family and friends will offer honest feedback about your date. They have your best interests in mind. Listen without interruption. Had I listened to my father, I wouldn't have married one of the women I dated.
Observe His or Her Family and Friends in Action. Away from you, your date will spend most of his or her time with loved ones. Observe how they communicate with you and each other. If they still treat you like a burden, a second-class citizen, or a contagious disease after an hour or so, make plans to bail out of this relationship before it gets serious.
My second set of in-laws didn't like me from the start, believing I was less educated than they due to my lowly bachelor's degree. Such dislike spilled over into my marriage, with my ex believing she was too educated to do any chores around the home. While I (the wimp) busily cooked, cleaned, and did yard work, she sat inside the house consuming tubs of ice cream.
Think. Don't jump into a relationship with both barrels blazing, assuming your relationship is perfect in every way. You're only fooling yourself.
Instead, spend some quiet alone time and reflect on your relationship. In a notebook, honestly write down both the pluses and minuses. Include his or her family in the equation. Don't over-analyze the relationship; but don't ignore the important things, either.
Remember: Life is too short for bad relationships. Make the most of life and love every day so you don't make the same mistakes I did!
Here's to your success!--Brian
